They say that how you do one thing, is how you do everything. Nevertheless, we as humans beings we have a unique problem. We can’t seem to apply the principles that work so well in one aspect of our lives, to another aspect of our lives. I do not know why this is, but sometimes we just can’t. Please if you have an explanation, I am very interested in hearing it.
Now let me pour out my thoughts and opinions about how we can raise good kids.
If you want to prepare Egusi soup (which is my favorite soup, by the way), you do not just bring out the Egusi, and “hope” that the soup will turn out fine and delicious… do you? No! You take the time to mix and prepare the ingredients, adding them at the right time, to make sure it comes out just right. I believe this is what most people would do. But if you do it in any other way, and it turns out fine, please teach me how.
While raising up a child works in pretty much the same way, there is still hope for those who don’t know how to cook Egusi soup… don’t worry lol.
Parenting by Default
Now the point I’m trying to make is simple. Right from the moment you bring a child into this would, up until they barely need your input to become an individual, a lot of your input is required in their lives. There are different points and times in the life of that child, where different kinds of input from you as a parent, are required into their lives.
I always tell people that you don’t just wake up into that perfect relationship you fantasize about (Yes, it’s a fantasy if you’re not ready to work to make it a reality). Likewise, you don’t just wake up to having those perfect kids, if you’re not willing to put in the required effort. It does not work that way, and this is what some parents do. They “hope” their kids will turn out right, without putting the necessary input. This is called “parenting by default”.
I know a father who will talk about the dreams he had for himself and his eldest no, how he thought they would relate, and so on. But he never really did anything about it. He never worked towards that dream. And it was just that… a dream! And it remained a dream even until now that guy might become a father in a year or two.
Parenting by Design
But when I talk, they ask “what do you know?” Well I know that you sleep on your bed the way you make it. Your children will grow up the way you bring them up. If you leave them to bring themselves up, hoping that they will turn out fine by just being around you… then you have failed to bring them up at all. This could be a lot of people’s problems when it comes to raising kids up.
Spend time with your kids, not money. Many parents from past generations believe that once they’ve made money available for their children, their duty as a parent is complete. I hope and pray that this belief doesn’t continue into future generations.
What about social connection? And emotional availability? What about friendship? Children first need to get these from their own parents (and siblings), before getting some other version of it from outside. Parents should be a child’s first love and their first friend, their first best friend.
Lesson to be learned: be ready to put the effort and time into bring your children up. Make time to be available for them not just financially, but also emotionally. This is called parenting by design.
What do you think about these ideas? What parenting tips do you have to share? Please do so in the comments section below. Thanks!