Unintentionally Unavailable

Before I explain the meaning of “unintentionally unavailable“, let me brief you first.

In the part of the world where I come from, it is generally believe that men should always do the chasing. Some even believe that it is a taboo for a woman to “chase” a man. But on the issue of men chasing women, here is what I actually believe.

I have actually been “chased” by women on more than one occasion. And I do not believe that any gender is “meant” to chase the other. And for those who do not know, Kheme believes that if you see someone you like… you go for it! End of story!

It does not matter whether you are a man who sees a woman he likes, or a woman who sees a man she likes.

But let me talk about the side opposite of where I stand on this sensitive matter.

So men should chase after women. Okay, but as a woman… are you chase-able?

What do I mean by “chase-able”?

I walked into my neighbor’s house one day and she was like…


Neighbor: Hmmm, you will not do and goan marry!

Me: Ah, you get wife for me? (I said, as a joke)

Neighbor: Yes oh! (Picks up phone)

Neighbor: I have this friend, she works in a bank in Warri, fiiiine girl like this. But do not play with me oh! Are you serious? Should I hook you up now now?

Me: Let me see her first na

Neighbor: Oya, look (shows me the girl’s Facebook profile)


And then my friend goes on to call the girl, tells her she’s giving a guy her Facebook so we can chat. She did not forget to emphasize that I was single and schooled in Cyprus… Right in my presence!

Na wa! See people hustling for me to marry. lol

So I added her on Facebook, and we start chating.

Now this girl was an Interview Chic, but a different kind.

An interview chic is a girl who answers you like she is being interviewed, thereby making it difficult to have a conversation with her.

She will answer my questions fine, no one-word-answers. But then, she never asked me any question! She never says hi, unless I do. A few weeks had passed by and not even a simple “hi” from her.

I always had to start our conversations. I always had to ask all the questions. I always had to carry the conversation… Alone!

Why? Because… Men should chase women, and not the other way around. Right?

Is that how to chase woman!? If it is, then I am not interested!! I can not carry the entire responsibility of our communication alone.

So besides the fact that she works at a bank, I know nothing else about her. She did not want to know more about me, and she was not even interested in getting me to know more about her.

So what am I still chasing? Why should I keep chasing? What does she have to offer that is so valuable, that I have to keep chasing her?

Do not get me wrong… I do not mind chasing, if you make yourself chase-able.

This woman was not chase-able… at all! She is a high class, interview chic! And guys like me are too lazy to chase after women like her.

Sadly, a good number of women fall into the category of being un-chase-able. This is what I call “unintentionally unavailable”. They are single, yet they are unavailable, but unintentionally.

I am convinced that the mentality of “men should chase women” is responsible for this unintentional behavior that leaves them unavailable.

Unconsciously, they make themselves unavailable by making themselves un-chase-able.

I get it if you do not like my advice about women going after the men they desire. I understand if you do not want to go after a man who has what you actually need in a partner. No problem. But if you do not want to chase, at least make yourself chase-able!

So to all the ladies out there, here is my message to you. St. Valentine’s day is just tomorrow. Please intentionally make yourselves available… you never really know what can happen!


PS: after weeks of inactivity, I eventually unfriended that woman. Coincidentally, that day was her birthday too.