There are certain topics that couples should discuss before they say “I do”. One of such topics is their history or their past. Should you share your history saying I do? What are some reasons to share your histories before marriage?
People who have a past that they would like to hide, often prefer to “let sleeping dogs lie”. There are other people who believe that the past should remain what it is… history.
But when it comes to who you will be spending the rest of your life with, your histories are both important. And all kinds of history matter here, whether health, financial, sexual and so on.
Being open about your histories, increases your chances of success in marriage. If you do not agree, it is alright. But do consider the following five reasons to share your histories before marriage!
1. It Builds Trust
Honesty and open communication are both vital to the success of any relationship. It goes without saying that successful relationships thrive on open and honest communications. And it does not matter whether it is a business relationship or a friendship. Honesty and open communication builds trust in a relationship.
A relationship without both, is like driving a car without a dashboard or indicators. You may never know what is going on, whether right or wrong. And by the time you do, things might be so critical that there is little or nothing you can do to remedy the situation. That sucks, does it not?
So for how long can we hide the truth about our past? I mean, sooner or later, it will come up and show its ugly face! It helps to discuss your histories in an open and honest way, before you make a life long commitment to one another. And once they chose to accept you and your past, you would have raised the level of trust in your relationship.
2. It Increases Understanding
Would you invest in a second-hand car without knowing its history? Would you buy a house without knowing its past and current status? Would you invest in something without some background information about that thing? If NO, then your histories are quite important before marriage.
In a way, everyone you meet has been “used up”. They all have some history from their past experiences and life. This part of them is also important as you come into their lives because our history is what makes us who we are today.
Without our history, we do not exist. So disregarding one’s history, is like disregarding what makes them who they are. And especially before marriage, it is not recommended to discard your partner’s past.
There is so much you can understand about their present, from their history. So you need to know, if you want to understand them better and make the marriage work. Thus sharing your history deepens the level of understanding between the both of you.
3. It Shows You Are Ready To Commit
A relationship is not a game, especially a serious and committed one like marriage. If you are serious about spending the rest of your life with someone, why play games? And for how long will you lie or hide your past? It is always easier to tell the truth, especially about one’s past. It saves you now and in the future because the truth always wins. The truth always results in the best.
And about honesty and relationships, this is how I see it:
If telling your partner about your history leads to the end of the relationship, then thank your God.
If telling your partner about your history brings you closer, then it is a good relationship.
If the relationship ends, you may have escaped what could have been your doom! So if you are bold enough to discuss your history with your partner, come what may, then it shows that you are serious. It shows that you ready to commit to your partner. It shows that you are in for the long haul with them.
4. It Makes Your Relationship Easier
You should want to spend the rest of your life with someone who accepts you, irrespective of your past. Be with someone who knows where you are coming from, and welcomes you still. Be with someone who knows where you are going and will tag along to help you get there.
Sharing you history makes it easy on your partner. They will know how to help or handle you, at different points in your relationship with each other.
Groom a relationship that allows for open communication, without judgment or bias. That is how your partner would feel free to discuss deep issues, rather that bury them deeper. And as a result, you take a lot of load off of the relationship.
5. It Reduces Future Nasty Surprises
I know that it would disappoint me to discover an unsettling part of my partner’s history later on. I bet that it would disappoint you too.
We all have baggage, even myself. But some marriages would not die if they declared their baggage sooner, rather than later. Believe me, there are some baggage that one cannot handle, no matter how much you love your partner.
Imagine some months into your marriage and you are expecting a baby. Then you discover something disturbing about your partner that you cannot live with. What then do you do? Discussing your histories before you marry, can avoid situations like this, though hypothetical.
So I urge you. Go and ask couples of the most successful relationships you know of. Ask those couples who are happy both in secret and in the open. They will tell you that they discuss everything. They discuss their history, present and future. Nothing is an off topic. Nothing is not discuss-able. They will tell you that openness is vital if you want a successful relationship.
Increase the chances of success in your marriage. Discuss your history with your partner before you marry.
What about you? So you agree with these reasons? Should couples share their pasts before marriage?
Please share in the comment section below. Thanks!